When courage comes to mind, we typically conjure images of firefighters rushing into burning buildings or heroes diving into oceans to save lives. Yet author CB Bowman proposes that each of us exercise courage daily. Every instance where you act despite the threat of rejection is a testament to everyday courage, a concept Bowman terms’ micro-courage.’
Bowman contends that the first step is acknowledging that you always have a choice. “Micro-courage does not necessarily mean always saying yes. It can also mean saying no. Those decisions alone are courageous.”
Micro-courage manifests in various phases. The initial stage is the courage to decide, followed by the courage to act on that decision. Bowman gives the example of confronting racist situations where you can either stay or leave, speak out or remain silent. Subsequently, the choice becomes how you want to convey your feelings and whether you want to escalate the situation. The latter is the more challenging question.
While residing in New Jersey, Bowman, a black woman, became good friends with an older Italian woman. During her first visit to this woman’s house, Bowman encountered a startling sight: an Aunt Jemima statue in the kitchen. Her heart sank, yet she had to choose her reaction.
Ultimately, she decided not to confront her friend, a 70-year-old cooking enthusiast. To this woman, Aunt Jemima was a mere symbol of cooking. Had her friend been younger, Bowman might have discussed the statue’s significance to each of them. However, other individuals might have chosen differently, and according to Bowman, that’s the essence of micro-courage, “the absolute clarity to make your decision and go for it.”
Bowman suggests that those aspiring to practice micro-courage should distance themselves from the muddle, allowing for situation analysis devoid of unnecessary distractions. There is significant clarity in viewing a situation as an outsider. Ponder over the advice you’d offer someone else in your predicament.
Actively listening to yourself and others can also assist you in detangling from the quagmire. It requires great courage to listen and learn, even when you disagree with what you hear. This allows you to gain more information and establish a stronger bond with the person you’re engaging with, rather than severing ties through impulsive responses. As Bowman points out, “It makes us feel good because we’ve vented our frustrations, but you’ve actually added stress because the other person reacted in an equal manner.”
Bowman readily acknowledges that listening is easier said than done. During one meeting, the executive coaches she was consulting with halted her and questioned their role. Bowman answered that they were there to advise and generate ideas. Their response made her rethink.
She remembers, “They said to me, ‘When are you going to let us do our job?’ Wow, wait a second. Are you asking me to stay quiet in our meetings?”
They explained that Bowman’s direction had dominated meetings, preventing them from effectively carrying out their roles. So, she reluctantly became quiet and was glad she did, as their association subsequently doubled in size. She notes, “I had forgotten to listen and to ask questions. I realized that I was hurt inside from nobody listening to me as a black woman.”
That internalized pain persisted even as she became a CEO. She needed to set aside those feelings and start listening to the experts around her, accepting that she didn’t have all the answers. Bowman confesses, “Accepting that you don’t have the answers to everything—that takes courage.”
Besides listening, Bowman encourages leaders to pose questions in a manner that enables the truth to emerge. The phrasing of your question can sway the respondent. She illustrates this with an example of inquiring about an employee’s performance. Biased or leading questions such as the following should be avoided:
- I don’t think you are performing that well on these tasks; what do you think?
- I think you are extraordinary at these tasks; what do you think?
Instead, ask neutrally, “What are your thoughts about it?”
This approach opens avenues for new information by giving your employees a voice. A blame-casting, controlling leadership style stifles creativity and hampers organizational growth. Blame must be eliminated from the equation. When Bowman was an executive at General Foods, they went as far as eliminating the concept of failure from their language.
Bowman recalls, “We did something called ‘Lessons Learned,’ and we did it regardless of whether a product succeeded or didn’t succeed. This was not a blame game. It’s a dissecting tool that allows you to see what you could do differently.”
She elaborates on how to utilize these tools in her book Courage: To Leap and to Lead. Bowman emphasizes that the aim is not to permit employees to make mistakes but to facilitate understanding of why the error occurred and its implications.
From there, they can propose solutions. That’s where the micro-courage resides.
Watch the full interview with CB Bowman and Dan Pontefract on the Leadership NOW program below, or listen to it on your favorite podcast.
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